Fun with Lisa

Today I met Lisa on the Network Rail website. We had a nice chat and, I thought, got on quite well.

It became clear very early on that Lisa liked questions. And I knew that the secret of good conversation is to show some sort of interest in the other person, which requires good acting skills. So I asked Lisa questions, first keeping it simple:

You asked:

whats your name?

Lisa says:

My name is Lisa. I’m a Lingubot, designed to help you find the information you need.

Lisa starts by confirming her first name, but careful enough not to give out her second. With no show of embarrassment, she proudly informs me that she is a ‘lingubot’. I don’t know what a lingubot is but maybe it is like pingu. Which would be nice. I ask how she is doing…


Things seem to be going well here!

I can see that Lisa is in a crowded place and I have my suspicions of where it is but one should never presume so I went right ahead and asked:

You asked:

where are you?

Lisa says:

The station behind me is London Paddington.

I thought as much. But time to check out if she actually knows what she is talking about. This could be one big fake! I strike up a conversation about her surroundings:

What are those trains behind you Oh Lisa?

Hey she knows her stuff! not only that she answered my question and then added in some more trivia as well for extras.

Hmmm, so I know where she is, but when?

Wow and a sense of humour!

I’m liking this girl, time to ask something a little more personal. I know… the hair!

She’s cunning, giving nothing away. Time to find out whether this one is taken:

No Lisa I don’t think. Why do women always talk in this cryptic language? I just wanted a yes or no!

I decided to ask Lisa some more

What? I’ve killed Lisa! Lisa is dead.

Ummm hope they can’t track me.

One answer Lisa gave to a question she didn’t understand said that all questions she doesn’t know are passed on to someone in Network Rail. If that is the case my I apologise for the poor soul who has to read page after page of stupid question (she doesn’t have an opinion between Britney vs Madonna and took offence when I asked if she liked big brother?!).


S says:

I have to say I find the slight air of desperation in your questions a little disturbing. How far from a chatline would you say you were?

Dave Pattern says:

Heh heh — just caught Lisa brushing something off her shoulder…

Deltic says:

Tell her “I have an erection” and she says “lucky you!”