Big huge important notice before looking at anything below.

These pages where created many years a go, unfortunately by me. They are here so the rest of the internet can laugh at (a) the bad old days of web design (b) my inability to even have a basic grasp of the English language (c) terrible ideas and embarrassing attempts at humour.

If you have reached here via a search engine - go back... go on... scram.. there's nothing here to see. If you continue reading this page you do so with the understanding that I've come along way since then. I can do whole sentences and everything. So you'll pretend the things you see below were not written by me, even if you don't know me, which could cause a problem. Thanks. (PS and don't even think about those links working).

This particular page was the home page for the web server running on my own PC while I was in halls during my third year of University in 98-99